Have you ever had to herd cats while pushing a lawnmower and restraining a Tasmanian devil?
I have!
Okay, well I was herding two children while pushing a stroller and walking my dog…but it’s the same thing!
I love my pup, but she is a large goofball who walks like a jerk. For that reason I usually take her to doggy daycare a couple of times a week. That wears her out for a day or two and I’m off the hook for the walk. Ideally, I would like to walk her by myself, but with a husband who is rarely home that’s not always an option. Second best option is just the stroller and the dog, but I have three little people, so that’s not always an option either.
She is a German shepherd, and on the large end for a female. She loves her babies and is very protective of them (this increases her jerk level while out for a walk). She is generally well behaved and obedient, but she thinks everyone and everything should be her best friend and aggressively lets everyone know it. This causes people approaching our house for the first time to be a little apprehensive. Like the time I let her out front attached to her chain and the construction worker across the street couldn’t get into his truck fast enough. Or the time the UPS guy couldn’t get out of his truck until my husband dragged her back in. Big dog, loud bark, friendliest jerk you’ll ever meet.
So. Let’s begin our walk. I get the three humans into the garage. I wrestle the baby into the stroller and the older two gear up to scooter. I then head back into the house. This is the moment pup begins to realize she’s coming with us. Her excitement starts to climb, the happy whining begins. I head to the front hall closet and reach for the harness and leash. Now I’m done for. She is vibrating uncontrollably, whining like I’m torturing her and jumping around the house. I eventually scream loud enough to shock her into settling long enough for me to wrangle her into the harness, but as soon as we head towards the garage she’s going again.
Now I have all four of them in the garage. The dog is still vibrating beside the stroller, the baby is screaming because the stroller isn’t moving yet and the older two have taken off their helmets. Gear back on, I open the garage. Out fly the kids followed by me and a stroller being dragged by a large excited, protective jerk. The screaming begins “Get back here!” “Wait until I get the garage door closed!” They stop…finally. I tighten the leash, close the garage and let the older two loose. Now, I mentioned I have a German shepherd, so note the shepherd…herder. She likes to keep us all together and she especially doesn’t like it when her babies are too far away. The stressful walk begins.
Not only does she pull towards her babies, but she zigzags as she walks. Remember, I’m pushing a stroller. It usually takes until we get to the end of our street before she realizes that I will hit her with the stroller every time she walks in front of it.
The kids are pretty good. They stop and wait at every street to be crossed, and generally respond to my lunatic screams from the other end of the street.
Now that you have an idea about our everyday uneventful walks, let me tell you about this one eventful walk that I’m sure had the neighbours amused.
The dog has settled into the walk and is being a little less jerkish. We are coming through a catwalk. The kids are at one end of it waiting for me...when they see a cat. They proceed to pet the cat. So far the dog has not seen the cat. I start my hysterical, lunatic screaming “get rid of the cat!!!” “Shoo it away!!!” “Why mommy? It’s friendly” “THE FREAKIN DOG!!!”
Too late…
All hell breaks loose. I am literally sprinting down the catwalk while pushing the stroller as the dog runs full tilt towards this cat. This cat…This f$%* stupid fearless cat! IT JUST LAY THERE! It slowly sauntered to the next driveway and lay down! Try to picture this. I’m trying to push the stroller and drag the dog away from this cat, WHO WON’T WALK AWAY. I have one hand pushing the stroller and the other wrapped around the leash trying to drag the dog (She’s stronger than me by the way), and I can’t, I can’t drag the freakin jerk while pushing the stroller. While all this is happening middle child is repeating over and over again “but mommy the kitty is friendly” “I KNOW THE DAMN KITTY IS FRIENDLY! THAT’S NOT HELPING THE SITUATION!” I need two hands to drag this dog away from the bravest (or dumbest) kitty in the world. We need to cross the road. So I get oldest child to push the stroller, I grab hold of the leash with two hands and reef on it enough to yank her away, I grab the then abandoned scooter of oldest child and rush us all across the road. I declare that our walk is over and we’re going home. Mommy has entertained the neighbors enough for one day.
We’ll be putting on another show tomorrow.
Yorumlar